My Mommy Brain

I'm suffering from a severe case of Mommy Brain. I can't remember ANYTHING.

Now I was warned when I was pregnant that I would get "Pregnancy Brain," but I was promised it would reverse itself after I gave birth and all those raging hormones were gone. WRONG! After each child (five total--all girls no less), my brain capacity seemed to shrink by 20 percent. I must be down to about 11%, max.

I walk into a room and instantly forget why I entered said room. I look around thinking "Why did I come in here?" and more often than not, I won't remember until several hours later, "Oh yeah! I wanted a cup of tea." or "Crap! I forgot to call the vet and change Jack's appointment!" Short of tattooing the information on my forearm, I just can't seem to get my s#*& together.

And yes, I make lists.

I have lists everywhere. Grocery lists, to do lists, task lists, work lists, personal lists...you name it. I will dutifully write down all the items I need to get from the grocery store and leave the list at home. When I return from the store I spent $200 and still forgot the eggs. My dear husband is no help, either.

Ring! "Hey honey. I forgot my grocery list. Can you read to me what's written on the fridge?" "Where on the fridge?" "It's right on the door about three-quarters of the way down on the right-hand side." "I don't see a grocery list here, just a bunch of scribbles: mink, egos, breast, butts...what kind of list is this anyway!?!" "Oh just forget it!" click.

I can't remember my kids names. Okay, give me a little leeway here. I do have five kids, all girls as I think I might have already mentioned, and with the exception of sweet little Gillian, they are all redheads. So when I'm calling for my oldest to run downstairs and put the clothes in the dryer I go through the entire list of names before the correct one is called. "Kylagillygabbyannacaehlin. You! Child number one, get over here!" I use to make fun of my sister-in-law for constantly saying Connorstephen whenever she was looking for one of her boys. It was just easier than trying to get the correct name the first time, she said. Whatever, I thought, how can you not remember your own child's name?!? Now I do the same thing! but I take it one step further...I can't always remember all of their names! "Kyla...ah, Gillian, Annaliese, wait, who am I forgetting?"

This is maddening! I'm ONLY 38. I'm not supposed to forget things like the precise time, date, weight, length and APGAR score of each of my children. My pediatrician must think I am a moron because I can't keep my kids birthday's straight. I'm always saying November 7th for Caehlin even though she was born on the 6th. Or I will call to make an appointment for one child and give the receptionist the birth date of one of the others. "What did you say your child's name was?" "Oh I'm sorry, I have too many children! I meant Annaliese on Jan 2."

No really, I'm not an idiot. I just have Mommy Brain.